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Rod4545;
I am sorry to hear that things are not going well.
Getting a divorce is a major life event that is definitely not a "one size fits all" type of subject and as such is not something that should be handled without legal advice from a qualified lawyer.
That said, I have some LINK(s) that might help you in answering some of your questions.
1. USAA Topics Concerning Divorce
3. DFAS Former Spouses' Protection Act - FAQ **External Link
4. DFAS Former Spouses' Protection Act - Legal Overview **External Link
5. VA Disability Compensation and Divorce – Facts and Fallacies (PDF) **External Link
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BOTTOM LINE (Quote from Link #5 above):
4. Q. Is there a loophole in the law that allows the judge to consider my ex-husband’s VA disability compensation as a divisible asset in a divorce?
A. No. Federal law – in particular, the Uniformed Services Former Spouses’ Protection Act, found at 10 U.S.C.1408 – exempts VA disability payments from division upon divorce. It is not an asset which can be divided at divorce as marital or community property.
**Note: VA Disability Compensation may be considered as a source of income in in determining the amounts in the award of child support or alimony (see Paragraph 7 and Paragraph 8 in Link #5 above).
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I hope this helps you (and others).