My Mother-in-law wants to come to homecoming and stay for a week

My Mother-in-law wants to come to homecoming and stay for a week

Wendy Poling's avatarWendy PolingOccasional Visitor

This is our first homecoming and my husband's family want to come and and then stay at our house for a week. I don't mind them coming, I just prefer they stay at a hotel. My husband would rather we go on a long weekend away. Any ideas on how to make them both happy?

Re:My Mother-in-law wants to come to homecoming and stay for a week

RochelleP's avatarRochellePNew Member

We had a similar situation when my husband returned from the Gulf War. The kids and I were living with his parents while he was gone, and that didn't offer much chance of a quiet, private reunion! So I flew to meet him at an intermediate city on his trip. We got a nice hotel and stayed for a few days - just the two of us. Then we flew the rest of the way home together to have a homecoming with kids, parents, dogs! Don't assume there can only be ONE homecoming celebration!

Re:My Mother-in-law wants to come to homecoming and stay for a week

Aggie Spouse's avatarAggie SpouseNew Member

How refreshing to see other spouses going through the same issues as myself! This too happened to me after my husband returned home from a 15-month deployment. We needed some alone time to catch up and his family wanted to visit with him as soon as he came home. We talked about it and he spoke with his parents and let them know that he wanted to come home first, relax and spend some quality time with his immediate family and then his parents and siblings would be the first ones he would visit with as soon as he was ready to visit. If they do not understand, THEY are being selfish, not you. But luckily, his parents did understand and true to his word, after a week of relaxing, eating some home cooking, and getting regular showers and sleep, he was a new man. Besides, no one wants to meet up with a stressed out solider who only wants to sleep. They got to visit with a rejuvenated solider happy and ready to mingle and entertain. We did invite them to the welcome home ceremony when they walked off the plane but after that, he was whisked away home to meet up with them later. There has to be a compromise, us military spouses arent completely irrational!

Re:My Mother-in-law wants to come to homecoming and stay for a week

Tara Crooks's avatarTara CrooksContributor

I have always found that being honest helps. Explain to them why. I honestly believe that most people don't do it on purpose - they just don't THINK. Maybe your in-laws could help you by watching your house, dogs, or children while you went on the long weekend. That way they feel

Re:My Mother-in-law wants to come to homecoming and stay for a week

Wendy Poling's avatarWendy PolingOccasional Visitor

Note: I added the above discussion topic as one of the most common questions I get asked by military spouses. It's a tough one! What is your advice?

Re:My Mother-in-law wants to come to homecoming and stay for a week

Wendy Poling's avatarWendy PolingOccasional Visitor

Rochelle, what a great idea! I never would have thought to fly to meet him for a few days. Aggie, you are so right compromise is the key. This is a great example of how it could work. Thanks to both of you for helping kick off our new community!

Re:My Mother-in-law wants to come to homecoming and stay for a week

Krissie's avatarKrissieNew Member

Hey Wendy! I went through this in July...lol ... There are very few times in our lives that we NEED to be a little selfish. Tell your MIL that you are looking forward to seeing her but she needs to come out a week AFTER he gets home. The reason is that he is going to be exhausted and will probably sleep for the first 2 days. Then he will want to either veg out at home with you or run around and do silly things (mine went to BEST BUY the first day back, he had missed it..lol) but he needs that freedom to do it. She will understand and probably be impressed that you are taking such good care of your husband. I worried about this for weeks and when I finally told my family what was happening and they needed to wait, it was no big deal. DO NOT WORRY and do not wait... Hang in there :)

Re:My Mother-in-law wants to come to homecoming and stay for a week

Shetrble's avatarShetrbleNew Member

We have done it both ways, and my advice is to keep family away for a week or so! It is way too much going on to have to entertain family along with the adjustment of having him home. My husband hated having family around immediately. He just wanted to enjoy being home, relaxing, his kids, etc.

Re:My Mother-in-law wants to come to homecoming and stay for a week

Pnutbtrcup01's avatarPnutbtrcup01New Member

They also have to inprocess for the first week or so- so they're not going to be around to hang out and do anything "fun". Let your MIL know that as soon as you guys re-adjust to being a family again and your hubby is ready to have family/visitors you will let her know and she will be the first to know! Sometimes they get so excited they don't realize all the adjustments the service member (and the family) goes through when they return!

Re:My Mother-in-law wants to come to homecoming and stay for a week

Wolfette's avatarWolfetteNew Member

I couldn't agree more with everyone's posts! The same thing happened to me and my husband when he got home and I was torn. We did have his family come to visit and they stayed in a hotel, and we both agree next time, it's just us! It is hard for others to understand that while it is a celebration, it's also time for both of you to decompress and reconnect. It will all work out!