Just about everyday someone's spouse leaves for deployment and someone else's spouse comes home. One of the threads that tie us all together as military spouses is the ability to understand the extreme ups and downs of this lifestyle. When our civilian friends or even family members don't "get it", it's our fellow military spouses who understand the pain of separation, the anguish of missed phone calls, the thrill of homecoming, and the sometimes awkwardness of getting to know our spouse all over again.


Maybe today your spouse is in boot camp or basic training, at OSC (Officer Candidate School), possibly you are on your fourth deployment or knocking on the door of retirement. As we build this new community, it's important you know every military spouse is welcomed including the male military spouse!


Have you ever known a male military spouse?


I've only known a few and I have to say, most really didn't interact with the other spouses in our command / work place. I'd like to explore actions both male spouses can take to connect with other male spouses and how we can increase our outreach to male spouses in hopes they feel included, supported and part of our command / unit family.


Four Ways Male Military Spouses Can Connect:


  1. Coordinate with your base family support center to start a contact list to increase networking opportunities. Since there may only be a few handfuls of male spouses at your command, consider connecting on an installation level.
  2. Don't forget to invite the male spouses who have small children to your commands next kid's event. Whether you are in charge of promotion for the event or you run into a male spouse at the commissary, personally invite them! Deployments can be isolating, play dates in the park, kid movie premiers and/or kid craft days might not sound like something a male spouse would attend, but you never know until you ask!
  3. Contact your male spouses for their input, and be open to their suggestions even when one might suggest a spouse outing to AAA baseball game vs. the newest Chick Flick Movie Night.
  4. Get Out! When it comes to finding support on the homefront, the key is getting out and meeting people. There are many great ways to connect with others and make friends, including: visiting the local base gym; meeting all your neighbors; taking advantage of your base Moral Welfare and Recreation (MWR) events, getting involved in your local church, or even joining a running group or taking a class. The more you get out, the more likely you will find others sharing your same experience! (This tip really applies to both male and female spouses!)


Remember to always be inclusive and professional.


Has your command done something creative to welcome the male spouses? We want to hear your ideas!

Are you a male spouse? What are your ideas to help your fellow male spouses feel supported during a deployment?

New Member
I'm a male military spouse and my wife will be deploying in DEC. We're just about to go through our first PCS and I'll be living in a new city without any friends or family near by. Thank you for the advice!
Keisha Checks Out
Occasional Visitor
The commercials and advertisements from my active duty days depicted a military family as a male service member with a civilian wife and kids. I am happy to see that those days are long gone. More is being done to make male military spouses feel welcomed into the military community. I am not sure if a support program already exists for the dual military families; if not then someone should start one.
New Member
Try to meet civilian friends as well! Military spouses can help and share in the frustrations and hundreds of feelings of a deployment of a loved one. But it's also important not to make everything in your life about the military. It's helpful meeting and having friends that you can share in normal daily routines with, especially when you live off base. Military friends are great, but its also nice to have people to connect with where military doesn't affect the relationship.
Occasional Visitor
Within our command we have a male mil spouse. He is a great guy. At our Family Readiness Group (FRG) he was elected to the board as secretary. It is so nice to have a man's point of view. He also is a good male influence on our kids and his kids have many females to help ease the pain of mommy being gone.
Tara Crooks
Limitless Contributor
One of my good friends is a male military spouse and he was absolutely missing his spouse when she was in Afghanistan. I will never forget (and we tease him to this day) the day he called me to vent that he had washed all his clothes with major amounts of Downy vs. Tide and that they were all "funky" in his words. He had been to the store with her, recognized what she bought, but really had never dealt with doing the laundry (in his words) "like she does it". It can really be a different ballgame for many of these spouses and the support is not as much as it is for females as we tend to group together easier. If you know of a male spouse make a specific effort to reach out. Sometimes it has to be one of us that opens the door.
Wendy Poling USAA

Having a male spouse part of an FRG is so awesome. They bring their own unique ideas and energy. I imagine it must be hard to be out numbered, but I appreciate their willingness to check it out and participate. 

Dave Etter
Not to boast or advertise, but, I do have a weekly blogtalkradio show for male spouses: http://blogtalkradio.com/machospouseradio that all are welcome to. Podcasts of previous shows can be downloaded there, on iTunes or Stitcher.